Do Men and Women Marry For Different Reasons?
When I was in my early 20′s I had a girlfriend who was 10 years my senior. ( A man in his physical prime and a woman in her sexual prime. It was hot, to say the least )
One day she abruptly called it off and I took it pretty hard.
Like many people I brought my issues with me to work and shared my relationship woes with an wise, old, male executive who was kind enough ask me why I was pouting.
As wise men do, he listened patiently to my boring, naive babbling …
“I don’t understand…I’m young, healthy, fit, stylish…Ya, I live in the basement of my grandmothers home BUT I’m educated, hard working and going places! Blah blah blah, poor me, boo hoo, etc…”
After listening to my boo-hooing he calmly replied with this relationship insight…
“Son, men and women get married primarily for 2 different reasons. Women marry for security; to raise a family in a safe, stable and secure home. Men marry for steady sex.”
I immediately burst into laughter but he maintained his gentle, serious demeanor.
I found his comment funny because men primarily marrying for “steady sex” is very true! I had just never heard it explained bluntly.
When you peel away all the layers of the relationship onion you get to the core issue.
Primary, meaning ‘the first,’ derived from primal.
So what the wise, old executive is saying is that men and women have different innate, PRIMAL motivations for marrying that trump all other motivations – sex and security.
He went on to put his statement in context with my current breakup and explained that she likely needed a man who wanted to have kids within a short window (which I indicated I wasn’t interested in, at the time) and who had a more stable, secure, higher earning power to make a good home for her children.
It makes sense to me now but to a 23 year-old who thinks primarily with his cock… it felt like a punch to the gut.
“It’s just your ego, son. You’ll get over it.” Comforted the wise executive.
Ask yourself if both of your primary OR primal motivations for being in the relationship are being fulfilled? Problems for you or him? Could it be around this primal motivation?
Ask yourself if your primal motivation is being fulfilled. Then outright ASK your man.
Yours in passion,
[ Archer: Do you think the executive is right or out to lunch? ]