What Men Want in a Mate?
October 16, 2009 by Archer
Sex survey says…
I was shocked by men’s response to this sex survey question…
Questi0n: “What is the quality most important to you in a sexual partner?”
The majority of men responded that their sexual partner “really love sex.” That’s it!
Shocking! I could have swore that we men were much more self-centered than that response indicates. What a minute, wow, there’s hope for us, after all!
Proof men aren’t all sexually selfish – Less than 15% of respondents answered ”That I’m sexually satisfied every time” ie. “As long as I’m satisfied – you’re OK with me.” The survey did however indicate younger men are a bit more ’selfish’ in bed. A possible reason why some women prefer older men.
As a man – and lover of sex – I shouldn’t be all that surprised that men want a sexual partner who is as passionate and enthusiastic about sex as he is. After all, nothing is any fun if the other person involved isn’t really into it; Not a dance, game, conversion… or sex, is it?
Men love sex – they want a mate they’re compatible with – who loves sex as much as they do.
So if you want to be his ultimate mate & assure yourself a satisfied man you need to display one quality above all else – love sex.
Ask yourself:
- Do you truly love sex or are you just along for the ride?
- Do you enjoy sex less than you used to? IF yes, is it you or your lover you enjoy less? What do you need to do to become more enthusiastic about sex?
- If you already love sex – What can you do to enjoy it or get ‘into it’ even more?
Get Selfish
For the next 30 days get a bit selfish – try things in the bedroom that YOU want – toys, games, new positions, fantasies, rough/tender, kink/cuddling etc…
Turn HIM into your own personal little love toy (some call it a sex slave) and tell him what you want and how he should do it. (Most men will love this new you).
Head Game
By ‘Head Game’ I mean that appreciating and loving sex more may have nothing to do with the physical – it’s possible that the trick for you is mental.
Is it a…
- a low physical self image
- low self-esteem
- depression
- lack of confidence in your skills
- boredom
- low attraction to your partner
- stress
- etc…
Revisit #1-3 above and unearth the mental hurdle to free yourself – and love sex again.
The sex survey says – that you’re man will be happy when you’re as happy and sexually free. Strive for that and you and your man mate can take your love life to new levels of passion – together.
Popularity: 3%
Am not sexually active, but I like sex. I am afraid to be the first to start (don’t know why) caressing and touching my partner. I’ve always been this way.
My husband is sexually active and he and I spoke about him always being the one to initiate sex all the time.
So I don’t know what to do.
This believe it or not is very common amongst women. I guess it stems from history where women were not meant to instigate sex but just pardon the pun “lie there and take it”. I think the best advice that I can offer you is to take things slowly and build your confidence gradually. You don’t have to jump on him but even a small gesture such as cuddling into him on the couch is a great start and you can build from there.
Hope this helps,
i love sex, and more than my husband, but i dont like to start first, i have. he likes going to the strip clubs, for some reason, he saids, they are wild, but i dress sexy, look good, for my age, he goes with the guys, from work at his seminars, but makes me feel hurt, like he doesnt come on to me, like that, whats wrong, be married for a long time, but , i havent stopped my sex drive towards him,
Most people aren’t shy about kissing. Just start by kissing him gently, seductively and use your tongue!! Take your time and don’t stop for at least a few minutes. I find with my mate that when our two tongues meet it is like an instant “on” button to the clitoris as well as the penis. Once you’ve kissed long enough that you feel the rush of blood, you’ll feel more confident reaching down to touch his penis and he will be more than ready for it. Good luck.
I wish that I had that “problem” that most of you ladies do.
My husband was a virgin when we married, which I thought was very good, but after almost a year, and he still had not had sex with me, I thought that something was wrong with me. I was pretty, clean, etc.
He finally told me that his mother had sexually abused him as a child, and that is why he was like that. We have been to counseling, etc, and he has gotten a lot better that he was, but he still rarely initiates sex, and when he does it is just quick and mechanical. He does not like to touch me, etc. I crave that from him so much, I wish that he were like most men, to just be all over me, wanting me so much and touching me all over.
it is so frustrating. I love him, but not sure what to do with my frustrations.
TO: steph on October 21st, 2009
Hello Steph,
I totally understand your frustrations as I am living the same nightmare too. I am in love with and married a man that I “can’t touch”…and nothing drives me up the wall more then having something so perfect infront of me and yet I cant have it.
sex with us is only when he makes the first move and lasts about a couple mins if that. So I never …NEVER…get any physical enjoyment out of it. Not much kissing, not much touching…just in and out and he is happy. I have asked him if anything happened to him growing up…or even gone as far as asking if he was seeing another woman or was into men. That just upset him so I just deal with it.
I miss feeling sexy.
I miss being told im beautiful and being kissed passionately.
I miss knowing that my “lover” found me important enough to think of me first. That just is not the case anymore for me.
I have become numb.
I feel for you sweetie. I know the pain you feel and it really hurts on so many levels.
If you ever need to vent or just want to talk im here for ya. maybe you and I can brainstorm ways to break down their walls.
I know from experience that dealing with a sexually abused victim its not easy to overcome the darkness that surrounds their mind. Lots of things triggers memories and fears. It may be your face he sees now, but the touching he feels is the same now as it was when he was little and that scares him.
I commend you both for trying to work at it.
all my love to you.
I need some advice my man and I have been dating for three months now. We have tried ever thing sexually from head in the shower, been awaken with it in the morning, anal sex, different rooms in both our houses. But I don’t want it to get boring and in a rut .Can you provide any suggestions to keep our sex life excited!
I’ve just started dating a really great guy, only thing is he’s the shy, and very sweet kind hearted guy.
I’m really crazy about him, and have been since I met him.
I don’t wanna rush into anything and freak him out.
But how do I take it slow, but not too slow that I get bored!
My husband and I have been married for 24 years we are in love and have one child that is 8 years old. I always come on to him and ask him to have sex with me, he never ask me or comes on to me even when I go up to him and pull my shirt up he touches me but still not ask for sex I wish he would let me know when he wants it but never or just took it from me or ask me to have sex with him. Any ideas or suggestions I know just his touch turns me on. Thanks He stills turns me on after 24 years