Is Your Man an Insensitive Jerk? Understanding Your Man’s Emotions and the Doghouse
I could see her hands shaking, eyes tearing up and her voice began to waver.
I felt a rush of emotion that tripped the mental alarm in my head, “Oh boy! Steady, Jay. Keep it together, buddy. Stay calm.”
You see, that’s what’s going inside the mind or your man when he’s confronted with an emotional situation.
Although men have a reputation for being emotionless cyborgs who bury their feelings in the same deep, dark, mysterious place as useless trivia and sports stats, the truth is we’re just as emotional as women.
We’re just experts at hiding it because we’ve had years of practice growing up in a society where it’s not OK to cry or be emotional.
I’ve even lost a girlfriend because I cried during a movie. (Come on! If you don’t get emotional watching “Last of the Mohicans” with Daniel Day Lewis you should check your pulse!)
To add insult to injury she told my buddies the next day and they all had a good old time kicking me around. True story!
For the record, I’ve also lost a girlfriend over chuckling during a horrific, tragic scene in a movie. Instead of letting the yucky emotion show, I quickly intercepted it and expressed it as an awkward, “Oh, geez, of all the horrible luck” giggle.
“Studies of men’s faces show that the male brain’s initial emotional reaction can be stronger than the female brain’s. But within 2.5 seconds, he changes his face to hide the emotion, or even reverse it. The repeated practice of hiding his emotions gives men the classic poker face.”
Says Louanne Brizendine, author of “The Male Brain”
“It’s his poker face and his analytical response to personal problems that can put him in the doghouse. She’s crying as she talks about what’s wrong with the relationship, and instead of hugging her, his mind is racing to find a way to resolve the problem as soon as possible. With practice and because of the way their brains are wired, men use their analytical brain structures, not their emotional ones, to find a solution.” Source
Here’s how your man deals with his emotions:
1. Oh no! I’m feeling emotional
2. Sound the alarm
3. Switch from emotions to the analytical, problem solving brain – we’ve got to fix this – Quickly!
4. OK, let’s figure out how to solve this problem so we don’t feel this emotion anymore.
So next time you’re telling him about your problems don’t be offended when he goes into “Mr. Fix It” mode instead of just listening, empathizing and comforting you.
Realize that him trying to figure out a solution to the problem is the fastest way he knows how to relieve you of your pain…because he doesn’t want you to be in pain.
Next time that happens, don’t get mad at him. Give him a hug and thank him for caring about you.
If you really just need a shoulder to cry on, gently tell him all you really need is for him to “shut up” and listen. But say it with a smile, OK?
To Your Passion,
Jay Archer, Editor
Check This Out
There are just 3 things you have to do to get out of “Romantic Siberia” and get turn your man into the “Romantic Beast” you deserve . . .
1st you need to REMIND HIM what a valuable prize you are . . . and bait him into hunting
and chasing you again. 2nd you need to give him *permission* to be a guy. And 3rd you need to make him feel SAFE.
And you can do all of that with the cell phone you’ve got in your pocket right now…