Eye's up, ladies! The World's out here!
I’ve been hearing these kinds of comments from single people more and more recently:
“He won’t friend me on facebook”
“She is still friends with with her ex on facebook!?”
“We have been texting back and forth for 3 weeks now. I can’t understand why it hasn’t gone to the next level”
These are comments you’d expect from teenagers NOT your lawyer friend, aren’t they?
Technology, especially social media, are seductive forms of communication without really connecting with someone. Facebook and text messaging are just electronic flirting. And it’s all BS!
People measure and judge their popularity by the amount of people who have Facebook ‘friended’ them. They measure how much they’re loved by the number of messages they receive both on Facebook and mobile.
It’s disturbing when I go out in the evening and see beautiful women, dressed to kill, sitting in groups of other beautiful women, faces down starring into glowing mobiles sending and receiving messages. All the while neglecting the chance to make real connections with flesh and blood standing all around them. Then, they complain about how they can’t find anyone.
Gaaaaaaaaa! Sorry, I’m choking on irony.
Facebook and texting are are just ways to give yourself a false sense of popularity and feel loved. (Yikes! That’s going to sting for some ladies reading this). They require:
1. No courage
How much courage aka ‘balls’ does it take to text a woman versus call to ask her out?
2. No Skill
How much easier is it to juggle several women/men versus arrange to meet, have an engaging conversation and really get to know someone?
3. No Commitment
It’s easy for you or him to juggle multiple interested parties without really committing with today’s technology, isn’t it? You can admit it.
Where’s the chivalry?
How will you get engaged to be married or at least have a deep, meaningful relationship if you don’t truthfully engage with people?
Nobody wants to be in a relationship with your avatar! (Avatar = An electronic likeness of you)
Get Some Standards
This is the advice I gave to a friend.
I’d draw a firm line in the sand and drop anyone who is not willing to accept your line. Be strong, committed and expect resistance.
1. Long Text Messages
Text messages longer than “I’ll be 10 min late” or “I had a wonderful time last night. xoxo” require both of you to pick up the phone. If he wants a conversation he has to call you.
Text him that reply to his long winded text messages.
BTW, if he’s not willing to talk to you on the phone he’s probably texting and juggling several women at once.
2. No getting to know you over email or facebook.
If he wants to know all about you you need to meet in person – unless he has a good excuse like being in prison or living on the other side of the world. So keep the phone conversations short and sweet, arrange to meet in person, if you discover after a few dates he’s he’s not the one – DROP HIM politely and move on.
I mean, come on, if you are considering having sex with someone, have their children or would you make that decision based on the quality of their messages? You have to meet in person.
Develop some standards, draw a hard line in the sand AND stick to it! Trust me, your status as a single woman and quality of your relationships depend on it.
And if nothing else you will be a strong, rare women amongst a flock of texting sheep.
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Do you happen to be writing a similar article for men about gaming?
[Jay Archer:: Nope. This is a site for women. This tip was how men who are 'gaming' you and stop them in their tracks. GET IT?]
Deany,
This is basic strategy to neutralize his game.
This is so funny because FB and texts were a relief to me for just the reason you’re telling these women it’s wrong as far as relationships go. You can’t make any serious “connection” electronically (at least it seems you & I don’t think you can). And that’s why I like it! It’s a fun and casual way to keep in touch with my friends and as far as my male friends who like to “flirt” once in a while, it’s the perfect way to be a friend but keep that distance. I’m in a wonderful relationship (not online) and I feel “safe” with the online frivolity.
That’s not to say I’m a flirt online……but I would never expect to connect to a real relationship this way. You are, as usual, on the money again Jay.
[Jay: Thanks Melly. ]
Id have to say your right about meeting on Facebook. I met my boyfriend on Facebook. We messaged for a few days then we met up. Its amazing how you didnt know that the love of your life lived on the other side of town. We’ve been together for a year and about two months and we love being together.
I hear you, i deleted my facebook 2 weeks ago. Too much fakeness…
I know exactly what you mean. Everyone on those social networking sites is acting a part. They may not be as good in person as they are on the computer screen. This isn’t to say that people should avoid meeting people online, but they should definitely MEET them and they should be very careful when they do.
Christina, you’re right.
Anyone can look good on paper/screen BUT Action definitely speak louder than words. That’s why you need to meet people in person.
Yep!! I think it can also hurt an already established relationship. In my opinion, flirting is one thing sending messages is starting to step over the line but I guess you would have to get out there to flirt without it being a message.
I agree with everything you have said in this article and I have believed that ever since someone wanted to get to know me over yahoo chat. I don’t think so… you’re not yourself online.
i think it is good to meet new people on facebook, but too scared to meet them in person. Until last week. I met a fantastic guy on facebook and met him in person last saturday. Now though, i cant stop thinking about him and it is now harder with facebook and texting cos i can send a short text. but i miss the old “phone call” . Because with a text or facebook, im now stressing over why he isnt answering straight away.
George,
That’s exactly my point. “stress about why X or Y.” wouldn’t it be easier to communicate directly with him?
Great article with seriously helpful tips.
It would be easier to communicate directly with him i agree. but, in this generation, and i am only 23, it doesnt happen that way anymore, unfortunately.
George, you have to set the standard and make him communicate with you on your terms. That’s the point.
[...] schooling her on some classic dating mistakes (refer to the article ‘Is technology destroying your love life?‘) I found myself empathizing with [...]
I’m dating a guy from another country so we have to talk on the phone because he can’t write english! Hahaha and I don’t mind one bit! Also, i’ve known guys comment on girls pics saying” cute, sexy, etc.” while they have girlfriends, does that count as cheating? I see couples break up over Internet drama like that all the time!
What do i do if i already live with the guy, but feel like he pays more attention to his text then to me at times.. i mean i do see him a lot, but i feel like he doesnt know how to show me he care for me the way i care for him. i’ve tried confronting him, and he says he will try to show me how he feels, but after so many chances, i dont see and progess!
Short and Sweet,
Give him one more chance after you express your feelings and tell him what will appen if he doesn’t break his addiction.
If he doesn’t show a 50% improvement …dump him.
If he doesn’t improve he won’t ever change
Jay