Is Technology Hurting Your Love Life?

Eye's up, ladies! The World's out here!

I’ve been hearing these kinds of comments from single people more and more recently:

“He won’t friend me on facebook”

“She is still friends with with her ex on facebook!?”

“We have been texting back and forth for 3 weeks now. I can’t understand why it hasn’t gone to the next level”

These are comments you’d expect from teenagers NOT your lawyer friend, aren’t they?

Technology, especially social media, are seductive forms of communication without really connecting with someone. Facebook and text messaging are just electronic flirting. And it’s all BS!

People measure and judge their popularity by the amount of people who have Facebook ‘friended’ them. They measure how much they’re loved by the number of messages they receive both on Facebook and mobile.

It’s disturbing when I go out in the evening and see beautiful women, dressed to kill, sitting in groups of other beautiful women, faces down starring into glowing mobiles sending and receiving messages. All the while neglecting the chance to make real connections with flesh and blood standing all around them. Then, they complain about how they can’t find anyone.

Gaaaaaaaaa! Sorry, I’m choking on irony.

Facebook and texting are are just ways to give yourself a false sense of popularity and feel loved.   (Yikes! That’s going to sting for some ladies reading this). They require:

1. No courage

How much courage aka ‘balls’ does it take to text a woman versus call to ask her out?

2. No Skill

How much easier is it to juggle several women/men versus arrange to meet, have an engaging conversation and really get to know someone?

3. No Commitment

It’s easy for you or him to juggle multiple interested parties without really committing with today’s technology, isn’t it? You can admit it.

Where’s the chivalry?

How will you get engaged to be married or at least have a deep, meaningful relationship if you don’t truthfully engage with people?

Nobody wants to be in a relationship with your avatar! (Avatar = An electronic likeness of you)

Get Some Standards

This is the advice I gave to a friend.

I’d draw a firm line in the sand and drop anyone who is not willing to accept your line. Be strong, committed and expect resistance.

1. Long Text Messages

Text messages longer than “I’ll be 10 min late” or “I had a wonderful time last night. xoxo” require both of you to pick up the phone. If he wants a conversation he has to call you.

Text him that reply to his long winded text messages.

BTW, if he’s not willing to talk to you on the phone he’s probably texting and juggling several women at once.

2. No getting to know you over email or facebook.

If he wants to know all about you you need to meet in person – unless he has a good excuse like being in prison or living on the other side of the world. So keep the phone conversations short and sweet, arrange to meet in person, if you discover after a few dates he’s he’s not the one – DROP HIM politely and move on.

I mean, come on, if you are considering having sex with someone, have their children or would you make that decision based on the quality of their messages? You have to meet in person.

Develop some standards, draw a hard line in the sand AND stick to it! Trust me, your status as a single woman and quality of your relationships depend on it.

And if nothing else you will be a strong, rare women amongst a flock of texting sheep.

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Understand What Men Want

“If Only I Could Understand What Men Want….”

Understand Men

by Bob Grant, Licensed Professional Counselor  - aka “The Relationship Doctor”

Men always say they can’t understand women, and that women are so complicated. Well, for many women, it is the exact opposite. Most would give anything to understand what makes men “tick.” Even though women want to know what he’s thinking, men are often reluctant to share what is in their hearts. What’s a woman to do?w

Rather than describe all the differences between the sexes, it is often more helpful to focus on a few areas that any woman can understand.

1) Men are more sensitive than women. While that might sound silly, the truth is that men don’t have the ability to recover from emotional trauma as effectively as a woman. Because of this, men keep themselves from getting too upset. When a man hears he should just “let his feelings out,” what he translates that into is this, “If I let my feelings out, I might not be able to control them.”

2) Men hate fighting. For men, conflict is not simply resolving a problem. Fighting, to a man, means one has to win and the other needs to be totally defeated. Men often prefer conflict that is non-emotional because it is less threatening to them. Once a conflict becomes emotionally charged, it is very difficult for a man to contain those feelings and the most frequent coping skill is for them to become quiet. It may seem like they are punishing you, but they are most likely trying not to lose control.

3) Men want to get married. In spite of what many progressive cultures preach, the truth is that a majority of men in the world do get married. While the freedom of being single has its appeal, it comes with one primary drawback – it is lonely. While this might not sound overly romantic, finding a woman that a man can trust is just as important as finding one who is beautiful.

by Bob Grant, L.P.C “The Relationship Doctor”

[Editor Note: Bob Grant, L.P.C., has taken his 17 years of private practice as a Licensed Professional Counselor and Coach and condensed only the best information into a mouth-watering, powerful handbook on what men find themselves powerless to resist in a woman. The Woman Men Adore…and Never Want to Leave ]

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