My Man Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With Me?

On September 28, 2011, in Relationship Advice, by Jay Archer

“I’m a catch…loving, supportive and don’t ask him for stuff” she said.

“All he does is work, work, work. I just want to spend time with him…like having dinner together. I don’t understand why my man doesn’t want to spend time with me?! ”

“I feel like such a failure!” she confessed as she wept on my shoulder.

When you’re focused on something and not getting the result you want, when you want it…you can feel like a failure. Your relationship is no exception.

When I saw how much pain my friend was in and how simple it was for her man to make her happy it rattled me, because it felt like she was describing my relationship. It was a wake-up call for me.

It was clear they had different priorities. She is relationship focused and he is career focused.

When you are the “bread winner” of the household and you’re not winning any bread, what do you do? Work more and work harder! (The case with my friend’s relationship) It’s a vicious circle.

Ironically, the more of a “catch” you are, the more pressure a man feels. He perceives you as “succeeding” while he’s “failing” at his role, and 2 things happen:

1. He uses work to avoid his feelings of guilt and shame.

2. He gets “cold” because he doesn’t feel worthy of your love.

It’s hard for career centric people (men and woman) to realize that all the hard work and money can’t buy love, family and relationships.

If you’re in this situation, know that you’re NOT a failure until you’ve given up. So, never give up.

Now, go spend time with your man.

[EDITOR: Are you experiencing this situation? Share below.
Have any suggestions or supportive ideas for readers? Share below]

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4 Responses to My Man Doesn’t Want To Spend Time With Me?

  1. Lee says:

    I understand what your friend was feeling completely. I adore my man but to get any of his time I feel like I have to literally bash him over the head and tie him to the chair. Its not just his work but the computer as well. In my case making love even requires me to do the same thing. I am not sure how to address the situation but its making it hard for me.

    I have tried talking, waiting, not putting pressure on him. All those things but I feel unloved. I have had other guys paying attention to me and i have to be very careful because they are giving me what I am missing terribly from my man. Attention.

    I guess time will tell how it all plays out but I hope your friend gets what she needs, whether its time with her man or a new man who gives her that time.

  2. Iku says:

    I think adjusting your communication is the key. I’m a high achiever and sometimes my man doesn’t feel as much a ‘bread winner,’ and he used to feel bad about it. Same situation, I guess.

    I just had to make him feel that I didn’t look at the amount he was bringing in as his ‘worth’ and am very careful not to give the impression that that’s what’s important to me.

    Of course, I help him to see where he can do better, but try not to do it in a way that makes him feel as if I’m ‘better’ than he is. Every man has excellent qualities, if you look for them.

    A man wants to be admired, especially by his lady…

    • Jay Archer says:

      “A man wants to be admired, especially by his lady…” I couldn’t agree more.

      Don’t underestimate his need for your approval and admiration.

      (Then again, some guys are just jerks – LOL)

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