Q :: ” I have this Guy I am interested in and he likes me too. But he’s not looking for a committed relationship. I really like him a lot and I want to bring him closer. He is in the military stationed in CA. And we used to talk all the time. He is coming to visit me in two weeks and I really want this to work out. How do I go about getting him to want more than just a casual relationship?”

- Laying In Wait

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Manswer #1

Paul’s Thoughts

This definitely sounds like a difficult position.

First of all he has told you that he doesn’t want a committed relationship and from the sounds of it he is coming to visit you for sex.  From the get go it seems you have agreed to the type of relationship that he wants.  Now you are hoping that once he comes, that you might be able to convince him to want a committed relationship. Well sadly, it is very hard to convince a man to have a committed relationship, when you have already said you are OK with not having one.

Also add in the fact that he is coming in for a visit, this makes the situation more difficult as it is very time constricted.  To get a man to commit to a serious relationship you need time.  In this situation you don’t the time you need to create the desire he needs to want to commit.

The only thing you can do is be upfront and open with him. Let him know that you can’t feel comfortable having sex outside of a committed relationship.  For you to be able to unleash your sexual animalistic nature and give him the best sex he has ever had, you have to be in a committed relationship.

Chances are he won’t agree to this, but at least you know what he wanted before you made a mistake and tried to be with him.  Sometimes it just best not to waste your time, with a guy who is not interested in a committed relationship and spend your time looking for a guy who is interested in having a committed relationship.

Paul Wright is the author of  The Women Men Marry How to get your man to propose.

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Manswer #2

Jay Archer

1. You can’t MAKE anyone do anything.

You can’t make a sale, make someone feel a certain emotion love, make them climb a mountain or get off the couch.

However, you can be the change you want to see and inspire actions in others around you through your leadership and/or example and, dare I say, energy.

For example, if you want want your partner to be supportive you have to yourself BE supportive and act accordingly. IF you want him to be committed you have to be and act committed.

What does being committed and taking the relationship seriously mean and look like to you? Are you behaving that way?

And this is important, what would it look like to him? It may be very different? Have you asked him?

2. What makes you think he isn’t serious and committed?

Ask him the question in the previous point. If his answer is different than his actions then you have yourself an issue.

3. Communicate what a “serious relationship” means to you.

Write it down. Make a list and check it twice. Find out if you’re being naughty or nice. Because the next time your man comes to town you want to be able to be able to clearly communicate what a “serious relationship” is in 5 points or less.

4. Ask him…

…if he is has issues with your 5 point or less list and if he is willing to commit to them. If not, you know what to do.

5. Ask him…

What a “serious relationship” looks like to him. Can you commit to his list? If not, you know what to do.

Laying In Wait, the bottom line is that time is precious. Don’t waist your life for a man who is using you. That’s a tragic waste of your value. And men are great at using women. I’m a man. I know.

Spend your time and energy with a man who desires you passionately and will commit 100% to a serious relationship.

Jay Archer

[ Editor Jay Archer : Do you have any advice for Laying In Wait
or think either Paul and I are way, way off? Share it below ]

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8 Responses to Q: How Can I Make Him Want A Serious Relationship?

  1. debbie says:

    I gotta say that Jay is an idiot. He is probably one of the guys that whines about how good guys finish last and how all girls like drama. HOGWASH! Before he makes these comments, he needs to I dunno….date a man! I’ve found nothing he’s said applicable to the real world. In a Disney movie it might work, but I doubt it.

    • Jay Archer says:

      I love it!

      I do, however, appreciate specifics on why I’m an idiot, Debbie.

      By the way, nice guys don’t finish last, but bad boys usually get the front of the line. That being said I don’t mention anything about being “nice guys” in my answer.

      What is idiotic is waiting around for a guy who won’t commit.

      Thanks Debbie. Love the feedback

  2. Cassie says:

    Ok, I agree with answer #1. Answer #2 requires interrogating a man who you are in a casual relationship with. From my experience, most men would BOLT if you brought out a piece of paper outlining what you expect from him. Lol just my thoughts. Ok, so it’s obvious that men do not want a committed relationship with a girl who puts out. So, what guidelines should I follow? When is it ok to do what? Is innuendo ok? I’ve never played games like this before but all I seem to get are guys who just want sex. Now I want one who wants me for me and for good lol. Do I just not have sex with him at all until there’s a commitment? Seems hard to get a commitment before the relationship is even sexual. So what’s a good timeline? Three dates? That seems too few? Anyway, seeking any advice…

  3. Lisa says:

    Clearly Jay what Debbie is saying is that you can’t just go make a 5point list read it out to this man and expect no to scare him off.
    Jay you are not the Idiot the girl in the scenario is the idiot! By now what she should know is that this man is clearly not interested in her on a full time scale! He wants casual and she is going to look soooooo desperate if she starts banging on about lists and commitment etc.
    Move on girl move the hell on!

    • Jay Archer says:

      Lisa, I agree whipping out your “scroll” with your list on it would scare anyone, man or woman. The point is for you to get CLEAR about what you want in a relationship. Sometimes a list is the best way for you help yourself get clear.

  4. Roben says:

    Men in the military are a little different than civilian men. They are very patient, things to them are either black or white. They realy can’t read minds. And it does seem like you both have agreed to a somewhat committed relationship. Maybe he is just hesitant of the whole marriage thing like all men are. But I do agree you cannot change one but be an inspiration to change. If you really are tired of being in this kind of tell him that your are in it to win it. But I wouldn’t mind a two week vacation with military solder boy. LOL! a step out of a the usual.

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