Ouch, Why Does It Hurt?

On April 6, 2011, in Better Sex Tips, by Jay Archer

Q: OK, my man is pretty big. It doesn’t bother me except during doggy style…then it just really hurts. I don’t want to have to stop doing doggy style because he says it’s his favorite position. What can I do?

A: By what you’re describing it sounds like he is either too long or you’re too small for him. Either way, It’s not a problem we’ll sort this out.

What guys like in bed is full penetration- stimulation along the entire shaft of the penis. Although impressive I always feel sorry for guys with huge penises in adult videos because they never experience the joy of full, deep penetration.

If it hurts during doggy style it’s probably because he’s banging into the ‘end’ of your vagina…the cervix. If you repeatedly run up against any part of your body a few hundred times it’s going to be sore, right?

1. Talk to Him

IF you haven’t already it’s important to tell him that you’re experiencing real pain so he’s aware of the reason for your lack of enthusiasm for his beloved position. BUT emphasize that you’d like to experiment with him on how to make it work because you love the position too.

2. Higher or Lower

To limit his depth  during  doggy style position try lowering your hips below his so that his penis penetrates you at a downward angle which limits his ability to reach full depth by directing his thrust toward the front of your vagina and away from the tender ‘spot.’

To adjust the height of your hips:

- above yours position yourselves so he can stand (provided he is taller)
- spread your knees further apart lowers your hips
- conversely, he can bring his knees closer together to raise his hips
- have him kneel on a pillow or two

You can also try a variation of doggy style by laying flat on your stomach with your legs apart. He won’t be able to penetrate as deeply, the angle (down and front) will hit hour g-spot) and you may receive some gentle clitoral stimulation from the bed sheet below you.

You can also experiment with raising your hips above his so he is penetrating from an angle below the clit and up towards the back of your vaginal wall. Again, this cuts the angle and limits his ability yo penetrate his full depth and irritate your sore spot.

3. Take A Break

You may want to take a 1-2 week break from doggy style to let any bruising or tenderness heal fully so that you can return fully recovered and throw yourself into the position enthusiastically.

Using clear communication and experimenting with the height of your hips I’m confident you’ll be able to enjoy pain-free doggy style with your man in no time at all.

[Editor Jay Archer :: Anyone else experience pain during sex?
Any other tips or suggestions? Please share below ]

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16 Responses to Ouch, Why Does It Hurt?

  1. Rinnie says:

    I’d also suggest trying with your legs together (his legs either side of yours); It tightens the whole area up so gives him a fuller sensation. Of course, this depends on what exactly he likes about the position, as he won’t get such an eyeful!

  2. Vee says:

    OMG Thanks for these tips! I confess I’m one of the unlucky women who never get to enjoy doggy-style because it hurts so bad! I’m looking forward to trying these tips, just for my man ;-)

  3. eliquir says:

    I disagree with Jay’s comment about the man being too big or the woman being too small. Have you considered the possibility of a tipped uterus? That is my problem. Because of my tipped uterus, my cervix is only about 2 inches in. It is all about the angle. The suggestions already given are good. For years it hurt me to do doggy style, and I didn’t want to do it, but changing angles helps a lot.

    • Jay Archer says:

      This is also a serious possibility that you should discuss with a physician…you’re bang on, Eliquir.

      I love how you disagree and agree with me in the same post. LOL

      J

  4. lara says:

    you can try standing up on your knees with your hands on the headboard,this is usually the position I moved into when it hurt..sometimes i would press my hand against my abdomen where it hurt..this dulls the pain quite a bit…

    you can also try numbing the cervix with a gel from kama sutra..altho this may back fire and numb the head of his penis a bit too and make him last longer…

    which brings to mind the idea of bringing him to the very edge orally ,manually,in another position,etc..and then let him have his doggy..being that this is his fav and he is already to blow it won’t last very long at all and he will be very happy..

    and one last idea..give anal a shot..i love anal..the orgasms are quick and very intense..and length is not an issue..in fact i love it fast and hard so it is a good thing the orgasms come really quick cus that’s the rythm that makes men orgasm too…if you want to try it I suggest a few drinks to relax you the first time,.being relaxed and not tensed up is key.. go slow, when the muscles spasms ..stop..wait until they relax then go a bit deeper…after a few inches they will stop this altogether and you can go fast and hard without pain, only orgasms…studies of gay men have been done and it does not make you incontinent and it can not injure you..a big hard toy can but a man cant…but when it comes to penetration you need to be in the drivers seat…hmmm..this sounds like a topic for you jay….how to have anal sex and love it

  5. lara says:

    you said sex doesnt usually hurt so this is for the women out there that find that their clit and or cervix is rather sensitive..I was not a big fan of oral sex because my clit would quickly get sensitive like a mans cock after he cums, and i often found that hard deep penetration hurt..tapping the cevix gives some women brings orgasms, for me it just hurt…anyways..I recently I read a study that showed that the estrogen hormones in birth control can make the cervix very sensitive…coincidently I had already switched to an IUD that releases a small amount of progesterone and my favorite 2 words are harder..faster..

    • Jay Archer says:

      Lara, that’s interesting about the pill causing the cervix to be sensitive.

    • Kira says:

      You know, I find that factoid very interesting. Sometimes my man finishes fast, so we usually get me off, then have intercourse, and often it hurts very much. It makes me wonder if perhaps we should do it the other way around more to avoid the problem. I also was thinking of switching birth control from the pill to the ring, so maybe this will help.

      Thank you very much, Lara

  6. Tilly says:

    My BFF had this same problem..and Im going to tell you what I told her….”Take it like a woman!!!”

    Doggy-style is my favorite position, but I had the same problem with my husband in the beginning. I was too shy to talk to him about my concern because I didn’t want to turn him off. So what I did was just put my face in the pillow and concentrated on what exactly was hurting. I realized it was mostly pressure and not pain and I began to move myself accordingly to reduce the impact.

    Now, my body is used to it I guess and the sex is still sooo amazing. This of course worked for me. My BFF told me later that she tried it and it not only worked for her but she said her man actually got more into it and loved it. Hopefully, this could work for you too.

    Good Luck!

    After a while, my “body” got used to it I guess and I no longer feel the pain…but the pleasure is through the roof. And he never knew the difference.

    But that’s just my story and P.O. — try it out

  7. Ashley says:

    For me, it sometimes helps just to arch my back or round it so that the angle of the cock isn’t so straightforward- it’s going more off to the side and not pounding right into the cervix.

  8. amy says:

    I’m curious about what the first writer meant when she said “pain”. What kind of pain, where? Not yet mentioned are three more types of pain from penetration – hard lengthy pounding can hit the ovaries and cause deep abdominal pain (and I’ve heard of ovarian cyst rupture from this which causes acute severe pain and requires ER visit) so angle change or shallower penetration can help – also pounding away can repeatedly hit the urethra, which is located in front of the anterior wall of the vagina. The surrounding tissue can get swollen and bruised, peeing later can be painful. The g-spot is also located in this tissue. This separating wall thins with age and menopause, so this problem can worsen, I have experienced and have heard friends say (50 somethings, we love sex!) that hard pounding is less pleasurable with age. Thirdly, vaginal mucosa soreness, at entry to vagina or anywhere along it – more lubrication helps with this, but again, mucosal thinning with age means hard pounding can cause small mucosal tears which sting and burn. Do men do it because they like and need it? Because they think we like it? I’m also struck by women in this discussion talking about experiencing pain and tolerating it, not mentioning it, not wanting to worry or upset the man – would men do this, silently bear pain for their woman? Unlikely.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I need help!!! I just had a baby 10 months ago and sex with my husband has been ok except doggy style every time we try it hurts badly even with the lubricant and condom, i feel like my stitches are gonna rip, and b4 the baby it didn’t bother me at all.. So plz if anyone knows a good technique let me know!!!

  10. Manda says:

    Ok so i have another question, when my boyfriend starts to penetrate my vagina i get a sharpe pain just inside my vagina an it hurts the most/worst when he goes in not so much when he comes out. It feels like a sharp knife goin into me. This has been goin on the last month an in that last month weve only had sex like 3u times cuz i cant stand the pain. An i have been havin the pain lately even without havin any type of sex an hurts to pee even. Can someone plz help me an give me an out to all this misery

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