Help! I Can’t Climax With My Partner

Q: I can cum easily when I masturbate but I can’t seem to cum with my partner. Can you help me?

Jay Archer: I’ve invited Masturbation Coach Wendy R Fuller to answer this question.

Wendy’s Answer: Great question! Here’s my initial suggestion…

When you are being intimate and enjoying sex with your partner take a quick inventory of yourself. Notice if there is somewhere in your body that you are blocked, stuck or tight.

If you notice tightness or become aware of a blockage put your hand on that spot and breathe into it. You might want to ask your partner to put his hand there as well. While you breathe say this; I give my body permission to let go. Also, during partner sex notice what kinds of thoughts you are having in your great big useless sex organ…your brain.

“Maybe, he is tired, this isn’t going to work, what if he cums to quickly, should I fake it?, what is wrong with me?”

These thoughts could be anything. They are in your way and not going to support you to reach the glorious joy of letting go against the penis of the man you love.

Next time you are having sex, make sure you have a voice, great sounds of pleasure. That will open up your body to loving energy. Take away the pressure to cum and enjoy rather PLEASURE. Go after as much pleasure as you can. Change the voice in your head to, I am free to let go. I am open to receiving as much pleasure as is possible to receive. I give myself permission to let go. I am safe. I love myself.

Finally, help yourself along. During intercourse reach your hand down and massage your clit just the way you like it. This is erotic and a turn on for your man as well. Remember, you and your man are in this together.

Over coffee, a glass of wine, driving in the car, talk to him about what is bothering you. This is an ‘us’ issue not you alone needing to fix yourself as if something is wrong with you. Ride the wave of pleasure and let yourself go. You deserve it!

Wendy R Fuller

— Sex Expert and Masturbation Coach

[Editor, Jay Archer: Feedback? How do you feel about the advice
Wendy dished out to one sexually frustrated reader? Share below]

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11 responses to “Help! I Can’t Climax With My Partner”

  1. mauricee says:

    I really can relate to your comments about asking a woman to make sounds. I would like to suggest to add breath into the mix.
    Breathing deeply into the belly can help the energy build for a more explosive climax.

    • Wendy R Fuller says:

      Maurice, breath is a life force and an integral peice to a great orgasm, with a partner or alone. Breath oxygenates ours cells and creates more life. I always encourage my clients to breathe into their core, to breathe into their vaginas. Breath also creates awareness for a woman. Awareness to know more intimately her own body and her unique sexual response.

  2. none says:

    uhm…this is a good article .What I was wondering is that men have to learn how to please you and if you already know how then just help them know, I like it when you or something to that effect. The problem I’m having is that my man knows my body better than I do, I’m not into helping myself but mostly because I don’t enjoy it. He can make me come easily an squirt which comes from experience and experimenting and still I will never be able to do what he does.hmm and its definitely ones thoughts . I think I struggle because I don’t get turned on by the thought of DIY. And Iv noticed the more you worry the less likely it is to happen for eg. What if it makes a mess (blush). then I’m less likely to squirt.

    • Wendy R Fuller says:

      I am curious as to what is going on for you that DIY is not a turn on. Not making you wrong in any way, just curious. I do know that men do like to watch a woman pleasure herself. How hot might it be for you to watch your guy go crazy watching you? That in itself may be a turn on for you.It is wonderful that your man knows how to take you to the pleasures of orgasmic bliss and that you feel safe to let go to that degree with him. WONDERFUL! The coach in me is always curious as to the delicious delights you may discover about your body if you gave yourself permission to make love to yourself.

  3. Kittykat says:

    This is a fantastic response to the situation. I want to hear more,give me more.

  4. Christine says:

    When you masturbate you train your body to respond to the stimulation you provide. Your body needs to learn to respond to your partner. Takes time and practice, also help your lover learn your body so they know what stimulates you and like everything else practice practice practice. You may even have to help out a little bit to get things started, like rub your own clit while he’s pounding into you. Eventually, your body will be more responsive to his touch and movements. For a long time my masturbation was only external, and so I had to ride to get off or have a guy go down on me or just “do it myself” when they were done…it took a very long time to discover internally stimulated orgasms and it happened when I finally had a steady partner and we had lots of practice. Just sort of happened. There are more moves that in and out…but the more stimulation, the more practice, the easier the orgasms come.

    One move I find that helps get things going without riding so a man feels like he still delivered…missionary position…the illusion is you have no control. Life your pelvis, and when he pushes into you grind downward on him. This is a great ab workout too. If you don’t have the strength, use a pillow to prop yourself up, just roll it up and place at small of your back. If it’s too much work to keep up the whole time…try this when you are close, but just can’t get over the edge. I cling to my man and he gets his ego boost feeling like I just want him.

    • Wendy R Fuller says:

      Just an added thought to your reply, when you notice yourself getting close to letting go into orgasm and are struggling going over the top, relax and breathe. Ask you partner to stop thrusting and you focus all your attention on your pelvic region. Relax your vaginal walls, your belly and breathe all the way into your core. Ask him to begin thrusting slowly and begin to move again yourself. Simply notice how your body responds to this and love yourself.

  5. Dean says:

    My BIG problem is not that I can’t cum while having sex with my partner, it’s that My partner can’t cum a lot of the time, or it takes him a long time for I as I will cum multiple times before he gives up or finally produces a drop.

    Are some man really just that way?

    • Wendy R Fuller says:

      Multiple orgasms are natural and beautiful. One can be just the beginning to many more. And also remember that there are more than one kind of orgasm. Now for HIM…I wonder how many other men out there struggle with being able to let go. Not having a penis myself I will give you some responses from a man I know. He said that when a guy begins masturbating he is usually a young teen. More than likely he will feel somewhat guilty or nervous about being caught by his parents. The goal then of masturbating was getting off quickly (which can speak to the pre-ejaculator). Often time the strokes were quick and hard, different from the feeling of vaginal stroking. How about asking your man to masturbate in front of you. Ask him to show you what makes him blow. Mimick the strokes and have fun.

  6. TTree says:

    Really good advice, I’ve found this stuff helps for me as well. Just being open about what’s bothering you, realising it isn’t about the climax and allowing yourself to just enjoy pleasure, and also realising that you don’t have to feel pressured, not even out of some anxiety to make him feel like he is doing ok.

    I told my guy that I really enjoyed when he went down on me even though I didn’t climax and that took the pressure off both of us.

    Also, according to sex surveys apparently only 30% of women actually climax during vaginal sex and that for women usually clitoral stimulation is far more hectic, ie masturbation and cunnilingus.

    Stress and worry plays a big part in everything and realising that you are _allowing_ yourself to experience pleasure rather than trying to achieve it (and particularly realising that you don’t _have_ to climax to make anyone else feel better) is definitely the key.

    Also, women require a lot of foreplay.
    Kissing and touching each other a lot beforehand and just telling each other how much you love each other with the focus being on each other rather than the outcome of sex is really helpful and takes the “performance” feeling away, also it may really work to slow things down and realise that there is no time pressure 🙂
    I often take ages to climax and half the time I don’t, but remembering that there is no pressure and that it is more about the expression of how we feel makes everything special and makes me more likely to feel free to cum the next time 🙂
    Hope this helps people who are worrying about it, two thumbs up to this article!

  7. Lady Belle says:

    Great article. Great new look. Very helpful information. Helpful responses.

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