“Help! All my husband wants is sex.”
Woa, woa! OK, let’s clarify a few things, shall we?
1) What do you mean by all he wants is sex?
He doesn’t want anything else from you? You mean he won’t talk, sit and watch a show, have a meal, entertain, visit with friends or family or read beside you in bed?
Do you literally mean he sees you, immediately tries to bend you over a chair and mount you…Every time?
I mean, if you have NO communication or interaction with him other than sex — then maybe you have something to be concerned about. But, I get the feeling you may be exaggerating.
2) How often does he want sex?
Be specific…how often does he ask, approach or initiate sex?
The majority of men in my sex survey said they wanted sex 4-6 times a week. How often do they actually have it? Zero to 1 time per week.
Yikes! According to that survey, there are a lot of sexually unsatisfied married guys out there, aren’t there?
Maybe that statistic will give you some sexual perspective.
3) How often do you actually have sex?
Are you having sex more less than 5x per week?
For most married couples, having sex 5x per week would be active but not excessive or unhealthy.
I would agree that 3x a day, every day would be hard to sustain long term…especially if you had kids.
4) What is the real issue here? How is this effecting your life negatively?
Is sex preventing you from doing something else you really want to do? I get that, if you’re a real task oriented person.
Are you not attracted to him? That could be a problem.
Do you feel unattractive? That is very common and something that’s within your power to change. Learn to love yourself and/or work on the issues that contribute to making you feel unattractive.
HINT: All of us have something about ourselves we don’t like. Don’t let it ruin your relationship.
Are you attracted to someone else?
Do you have in your head a maximum sex sessions per week…”anything else is dirty, slutty, unnecessary etc..” belief? Look into that.
5) Why don’t you take it as a compliment?
It could be worse, right?
Some women who are reading this right now would gladly have your problem. They’re asking themselves why…
“My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me” and “Why doesn’t my boyfriend want sex with me?”
Apparently your husband finds you sexually attractive. Isn’t that why you got married? Why don’t you try reframing it as a compliment?
6) Amount or time?
What is it you don’t like about sex with your husband…
a) the amount of times per week? or
b) the time each session?
If every sexual encounter turns into a marathon I can see how that would be burdensome. Just tell him you like quickies and give him permission to set ‘marathon man’ aside.
Hey, I’m not ruling out that your husband may be a sex addict or that he doesn’t know how to relate to you in non-physical ways. But I’m also not ruling out that he loves you, is attracted to you, finds you irresistible and that you may be exaggerating a tiny bit.
I’m also not ruling out that you don’t like sex or that he’s awful in bed (I have to fair, don’t I?)
But, thanks for asking for help.
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