All my husband wants is sex!

On July 21, 2010, in Understanding Men, by Jay Archer

alphamaleAnswers-logo “Help! All my husband wants is sex.”

Woa, woa! OK, let’s clarify a few things, shall we?

1) What do you mean by all he wants is sex?

He doesn’t want anything else from you? You mean he won’t talk, sit and watch a show, have a meal, entertain, visit with friends or family or read beside you in bed?

Do you literally mean he sees you, immediately tries to bend you over a chair and mount you…Every time?

I mean, if you have NO communication or interaction with him other than sex — then maybe you have something to be concerned about. But, I get the feeling you may be exaggerating.

2) How often does he want sex?

Be specific…how often does he ask, approach or initiate sex?

The majority of men in my sex survey said they wanted sex 4-6 times a week. How often do they actually have it? Zero to 1 time per week.

Yikes! According to that survey, there are a lot of sexually unsatisfied married guys out there, aren’t there?

Maybe that statistic will give you some sexual perspective.

3) How often do you actually have sex?

Are you having sex more less than 5x per week?

For most married couples, having sex 5x per week would be active but not excessive or unhealthy.

I would agree that 3x a day, every day would be hard to sustain long term…especially if you had kids.

4) What is the real issue here? How is this effecting your life negatively?

Is sex preventing you from doing something else you really want to do? I get that, if you’re a real task oriented person.

Are you not attracted to him? That could be a problem.

Do you feel unattractive? That is very common and something that’s within your power to change. Learn to love yourself and/or work on the issues that contribute to making you feel unattractive.

HINT: All of us have something about ourselves we don’t like. Don’t let it ruin your relationship.

Are you attracted to someone else?

Do you have in your head a maximum sex sessions per week…”anything else is dirty, slutty, unnecessary etc..” belief? Look into that.

5) Why don’t you take it as a compliment?

It could be worse, right?

Some women who are reading this right now would gladly have your problem. They’re asking themselves why…

My husband doesn’t want to have sex with me” and “Why doesn’t my boyfriend want sex with me?

Apparently your husband finds you sexually attractive. Isn’t that why you got married? Why don’t you try reframing it as a compliment?

6) Amount or time?

What is it you don’t like about sex with your husband…

a) the amount of times per week? or

b) the time each session?

If every sexual encounter turns into a marathon I can see how that would be burdensome. Just tell him you like quickies and give him permission to set ‘marathon man’ aside.

Hey, I’m not ruling out that your husband may be a sex addict or that he doesn’t know how to relate to you in non-physical ways.  But I’m also not ruling out that he loves you, is attracted to you, finds you irresistible and that you may be exaggerating a tiny bit.

I’m also not ruling out that you don’t like sex or that he’s awful in bed (I have to fair, don’t I?)

But, thanks for asking for help.

[Editor:: Anyone else have this problem OR the opposite problem or care to comment? Be my guest. And don't forget to share articles with your friends.]

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32 Responses to All my husband wants is sex!

  1. Angie says:

    I don’t like being the one always putting the moves on him virtually all the time, it makes me feel like the only one with enthusiasm for sex and a bit like a freak. We do have a unique situation my man and I, but do any other woman out there feel like I do?? And Jay does this mean he’s not overly interested in me????

  2. Ronaldo says:

    You should take it as an upmost compliment that you husband would want to have sex with you all the time. I don’t think that he may have a problem, he just sees you as being that beautiful. Enjoy it while it is there.

  3. Poogle says:

    I wish my husband and I had sex a lot. We had a baby and then he got a job and works nights so that cut down our sex life to about 2 or 3 times a week from 2 times a day. I understand why we can’t have it so much anymore though so I try to keep the complaining down.

  4. Brenda says:

    If what you say is true, “All my husband wants is Sex” then you probably do have an issue. On the other hand what is so bad about having sex all the time? It’s fun, it feels good, I say just do it.

  5. Stephanie says:

    I’m 19 yrs old and believe i have a very mature and responsible outlook on sex. I love it. So reading stuff like this really upsets me. A) it doesn’t really sell marriage for me hey and B) if i grow up one day to resent sex and treat it like a choir please shoot me because what is the f***king point!? Sex is one of many very important aspects in a romantic relationship. No more and no less important then any of the others like trust or respect or mutual interests. You need to be on the same page or it’s not going to work.

  6. Laura says:

    I am soooo jealous. I just wish my boyfriend had your husband’s libido. Count yourself lucky!!!

  7. Jamie says:

    Oh come on! Are we being for real here? I say if your husband wants sex all the time, wear short skirts commando style & HAVE FUN FUN FUN! What’s wrong with lots of sex? Sex is simply amazing when the connection is awesome! Hey baby, you’re not getting dressed this weekend!

  8. Sarah says:

    LOL!!! I do NOT understand women who complain about too much sex! My best friend and I are always talking about how we wish our husbands wanted MORE sex!! Sex is fun, sex can be fast raunchy and hard, or it can be slow gentle and soft. But the point is that it is natural and a fantastic way to be intimate with the person you love. If you are with someone who doesn’t talk to you or do anything but have sex with you then you are not in a relationship! You got yourself a f***k buddy! If sex is not something you want regularly, then make sure you are with someone who thinks similarly. Know that when your man wants to have sex with you it isn’t just because he wants to get off. I guarantee that he wants to make you feel good just as much if not more! Knowing that you have made someone feel amazing, shake, scream, moan, and yes cum… is one of the best feelings there is. Like my friend and I always say… God’s cruelest joke on women is that we (at least my friend and I) are more turned on and ready to go once we see or feel our men cum, than ever! And the joke is that once that happens, for the most part, the party is over LOL! More turned on than ever and no more d**k for Sarah tonite :( lol hmm kinda got off topic there didn’t I?

  9. Saira says:

    i dont get it….. i love sex but not all the time. i want to cuddle and kiss too… but the minute i touch him he is ready to go the whole yard….. its good i guess but no always… am a person first then a sex diva second… and wats with men and bums?

  10. kjs says:

    let’s not forget that WOMEN can be bad in bad, in fact, I think are as much if not worse than alot of men, cuz women havent had 30-40 years of magazines tellin them ”if you dont learn to be a kama sutra expert you are literally justifying her cheating on you and becoming a lesbian”. im not blamin men or women btw, im blamin magazines. however, whoever’s fault it is (including mine) we must all take personal responsibility.
    the real difficulty i think can be eg the man or the woman say they love somonne say they want that someone and no-one else, in love etc….but then the physical action doesnt back it up. Now, there could be underlying medical issues – but the person who is getting ‘hit on’ the whole time must be willing to talk or willing to leave. Otherwise it’s having your cake and eating it. Think I’m being unkind? look at the all the tales of women cheatin on husbands etc and justifying it with ‘he doesnt get me…’ yet how many of those women had the balls to break up with their boyfriend first. or make it clear that if x-doesnt change immediately, then with all due respect they are leavin. Guys , this goes for you too – remember these are PEOPLE problems, not ‘mens’ or ‘womens’ problems. Falling asleep after phyiscally satisfyin sex partciularly after a long day is totally justified, and if a girl/woman is phyiscally satisfied she too will have those sleep-inducing chemicals circulate her bodyh’s systems. Anyway, like i say – Guy or Girl, you NEVER have the justification to cheat – unless you were forced into it (and then, that’s a legal issue of sexual assault) then you always have the option to say no to the advances or to break up with your significant other first. Respect Yourself, Respect Each Other, Respect EVeryone. Asalamalakum

  11. gal says:

    i agree when a man shows he wants it all the time it is a compliment he is showing his want and desire for u.
    i have read idk via MYM or another sorce that men show their love differntly than women they show it sexualy. hes showing his love you can say.
    some women have higher sex drives than their men and it drives the woman nuts, vice versa.
    the article i think is hinting towards is maybe talk and find a happy medium maybe your husband explaining why he is so horney towards u will make you feel a confidence boost and give u a intrest in the sex as well. ur lucky he is initiating it with you, most men if they want it and its not getting thrown at them will find some where else to get it.

    best of luck

  12. Angie says:

    Did anyone see or actually read what I wrote???I want it I initiate it almost all the time …. Is this normal ….

  13. Betty says:

    She can send her man to me ! I’ve spent my lifetime looking for a man like that ! I’ve been with more than my share of men and have yet to find a man like that. I talked to a few of them, but they already had a girlfriend. Just my luck. I’m starving here !!! But I refuse to go back to promiscuous sex just so that I can have all of it I need. – - – Maybe I’m getting paid back for all the men I did have back then. Thanks for letting me comment. Bettyjean

  14. lola says:

    Jay
    I know exactly what this woman is saying. My husband walks around with an attitude all day treats me like crap, yet he wants sex as soon as he wakes up, in the afternoon, after dinner, and before bed. Atleast 3 to 4 times a day. And yes I give it to him . I was told never to reject your husband… So I don’t. I can be sick as a dog, going through a monthly basis time, stressed, busy, it doesnt matter to him. We will be at a customers house he will stop and take me into a bathroom a laundry room what ever when ever. It drives me nuts. It’s so often I am so sore a raw the term “wet” doesn’t apply to me anymore and he thinks it’s because I am not turned on by him. In reality it’s immpossible. He doesnt give me a rest period to recoperate – also meaning I can never enjoy it because I am always in pain. So I know exactly what she’s saying and it’s nerve racking. I try other tactics… oral hand job anal what ever it takes to get him away from that area – but it fails. I don’t know what to do either. Sorry no help from me but I’d love to find something that works.

    • Archer says:

      Lola,

      You gave way more detail than the woman who asked the question.

      I empathize with your situation. Being sore, raw and affraid to reject is a tough situation. I guess there is such thing as too much of a good thing.

      Let me think about this. And address this in coming weeks

      PS You have sex WAY more than me!

  15. Kerri says:

    Man I wish I got more sex, sometimes my bf is always “too busy” or “too tried” and I think “hes a man whats wrong with him, he should want it more than me” If he wanted sex with me all the time, like you are saying your husband would want then I would be a very happy girl. We moved in not long ago (maybe 7 months) and ever since then I feel as though we dont have as much sex, which does make me sad. I’d gladly take it anytime. When I get given sex, when he initiates it, it makes me feel fantastic about myself, I dont always want to be after him, kinda like feeling like the relationship is one sided. i would gladly be in your place and yes make it fun, bend over with a shirt and demand to be taken.

  16. Lerato says:

    this woman dont realise how lucky she is… is things like this that make me scared to tie the knot. my boyfriend of 5yrs and i i planning on doing that and it just seems that when women get married their sex drive just go to the drain… honestly speaking, i have friends with MARRIED boyfriends… eva heard of the saying “if a dog dont get a bone where it usually does, its gonna look elsewhere”… so wake up, you not in a movie. besides that, i dont think men want 35yrs old women to be freaks like 19yr olds. they just want us to enjoy sex as they do… and really, what’s there not to like about sex… :-) )

  17. Kitty says:

    My man think’s he need’s help to satisfy my need’s,not that he can’t do it,i just get even more hornier after sex,but he know’s how to handle it,sometime’s he is more hornier than i am,and i know how to handle it…….communication….big big part in a relationship..

  18. anonymous says:

    honestly, i don’t understand it. it sounds like you have it pretty nice with your husband. it might not be perfect, but what in life is? at least he’s not cheating on you. and you know that he loves you and is turned on by your body. so, what if he isn’t so romantic or if he doesn’t see the point in trying to court you anymore? tell him you want a date night. a real one. with dinner and a movie or something. take the time to talk to him. if you don’t then you’ll never be happy. communication is always key in relationships.

  19. tyesa says:

    Ok so i can totally understand the statement all my man wants is sex and you have hit on some great points here is my perspective my man and i have been together for 6 years since we have been together we have had sex almost every day if not more than once a day if it were his choice it would be all day every day and if we go one day without the next night hes asking me y i dont like having sex with him anymore (just went thru this tonight) and if i make him do a quickie he will but otherwise hes trying to last a while dont get me wrong we have great sex we are comfortable with each other so we have tried damn near everything and he is great in bed the best ive ever had his main purpose is to satisfy me and ive never had a better lover and i take it as a great compliment that he still wants me the way he does and i hope it never stops however i am a scorpio i love sex but the problem may be that the romance has stopped slightly and or he doesnt try to hunt for it by that i mean he expects me to come in the bed everynight and either i get on him or he gets on me there arnt any soft touches or kisses we have oral sex thats not it just how it was when we first started u know the fireworks also when i say hunt sometimes i would like to be stopped in my tracks kissed passionalty and thrown against the wall i feel like thats one reason people cheat is because of the excitment there is in a new lover i dont know how to tell him thats whats lacking i have tried but it doesnt seem to get thru to him and trust me when it comes to sex if i say i want something he goes out of his way to do it and do it right so i know its not because hes unwilling so if you could help me with that it would be great wow i just went all over the place with this one sorry guys

  20. Ttree says:

    Hey Tyesa, he sounds like a great guy… can’t you just tell him what you want? Maybe explain to him that women are different and we like romance sometimes ;)
    From what you say about him really trying to make you happy all the time I’m sure he would be delighted to know what he can do to make you more happy:) I know my guy is like that.
    Maybe he’s a bit shy to ask? Or maybe he’s not sure if you want to talk about these things, have you initiated a conversation about sex or physical intimacy or does he always feel like you’re doing everything to please him? (Probably even more reason he wants to know everything he can to make you happy).
    Sometimes guys just need a little help… I think that’s what Mr Archer is trying to tell us in his blog, hehe.

    Anyway my point was maybe tell him what you’re telling us- that you’re keen for more kissing, more romance, etc I’m sure he’ll be very keen to oblige, hehe, maybe it’ll take the pressure off sex.

    Aaanyway, hope that was helpful, take it or leave it, hope everything goes great with you two :)

  21. Belle says:

    Great discussion. I hear you Angie. I can imagine how it must feel to be the woman who has to initiate sex all the time. I suppose you would start to feel that there’s something wrong with you if he is not initiating sex. I consulted my husband about the matter and he immediately wanted to know what was meant by “my man and I have a unique situatiion” ? He also thought it was at least a positive thing if your man responds when you make the the advances because it shows that your man is at least comfortable with you, and may have come to expect you to make the advances since you have been doing so. It seems more information is needed in order to give a better response. For example, how old is he, was he always like this with you, etc.

    And by the way, when I was 19, I was a horny toad too! Family responsibility can affect sex drive. When you’re married, or when you have been with your partner for a long time, you have to be creative. In addition, you learn that there’s more to being connected to someone than just the physical act of intercourse.

  22. Dean says:

    Dude you give some good advice sometimes, but its times like these that I want to delete all your emails. This post sucked major ass!
    A lot of things contribute to not wanting to have sex all the time.

    Its not that im being pissy because you’re not sympathetic, its that your ignorant on this matter. (among other things) lol

    • Archer says:

      OK Dean, i welcome your criticism but anyone can bust balls.

      If You think you are t’he man’ and that I’ve got it wrong write some advice instead of just critisizing – share your wisdom.

      We are waiting, Dean

    • Archer says:

      Dean,

      We’re waiting… Edumakate us, man. Lol

  23. Married2AMarine says:

    I think the question that should be asked is how do you put intimacy back into your sex life?? Beacause to me sex without foreplay is just plain f*cking. I understand that after being with someone for awhile the sparks tend to dim a bit,but if you don’t open your mouth and talk to your partner about what you want you’ll continue to be unsatisfied in that area. Communication is Key!!!

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